so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize