he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
there is puke in my bra ... again
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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