youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Randomize
