i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
