I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
