Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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