i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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