I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
