oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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