i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
