end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
