I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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