She went from zero to smokin in five shots
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How many fucks given?
0.12846
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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