It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
