nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
