omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Come on in and take your pants off
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