dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
