i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This baby is an asshole
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
