I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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