Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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