i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You need Xanax blowdarts
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize