WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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