I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I understand Curling. That high.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
