dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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