ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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