I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
