bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
