one two three fourrrrnication!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
