the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
