He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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