i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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