its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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