Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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