I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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