If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
