It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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