Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
