you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
