was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
