These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
