i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
