She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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