I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
