This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize