i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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