I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
