dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
