Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
