He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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