So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
