Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
