you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
