grandma shit on top of the toilet
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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