I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
