Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
