i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
