break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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