Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
