I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I AM VODKA MAN
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
