Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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