I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
