So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
