Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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