I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
