Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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