I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize