Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
