he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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