You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Drake has all the answers
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
