my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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