He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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