i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
