Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
