At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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