you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
