I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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