So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
