So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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