Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
