anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
