So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
