You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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