Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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