just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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