dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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