I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
