ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i would punch a child for taco bell
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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