then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize