it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
