Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
