I can tuck mytits in my pants
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
